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am I Ready?

2010-08-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be ready?

Ok, so we've seen the movies. We know the moves. We've got the boyfriend. It's been over a decade since we learnt the birds and the bees. And everyone's doing it. So we need to start too, right?

Being ready understanding what means. And what the consequences can be. So we don't have problems or regret it afterwards. Because they can be huge.

We're lucky if our first time is simply disappointing. For too many of us it is a painful, embarrassing fumble with someone we hardly know. Leaving us feeling lousy the next day. And worried about pregnancy and STIs. Nothing cool about that.

Plus it's against the law to have if you're under the age of consent (16 in the UK). No matter how ready we feel.

How will I know when I'm ready?

Ask yourself:

Am I being pressured by what my friends or boyfriend think?
How will I make sure I don't get pregnant?
How will I stop myself getting herpes? Or chlamydia?
Will I regret it next day?
Is he worth the hassle?

You know the answers.
Crossing our fingers and going with the flow is never an option.

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Be the woman on top

2010-08-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of being Miss Goody Two Shoes and taking things lying down, literally?

It’s time you take matters in your own hands and turn up the heat in bed with your woman on top act. Go ahead, take control in the bedroom and show him how you want to be loved and caressed.

We assure you, your husband/boyfriend be left wanting more.
Give him directions

Show your guy around - guide him about your body. Tell him where you like being touched the most and hold his hands as you lead the way. Your moves will surprise him. Take our word, your bare and dare act will make him fall in love with you all over gain.
Ask him what he likes

Since this will be your first time on top, you may need some help. Ask your husband/boyfriend to show you what he likes in bed. Also try out variations of the same position, once you know what suits him best, you will be able to find a middle ground. You don’t want to try something that makes him uncomfortable.
Don’t go too hard

You have to realise the amount of physical pressure you are putting on him. Don’t move too vigorously, you may hurt him. Ask him where he is comfortable having you: A little to the side or directly on his lap? Would he prefer to do it sitting or with him flat on his back? He’ll be flattered with your concern.
Move in circles

For deeper penetration, move your hips in circles instead of moving up and down. This will allow him deeper entry. He may even reach your G-spot more easily this way and you won’t leave him crying out in pain.
Don’t be shy

Do you think being on top of him makes you more conscious of your body? Pull his shoulders closer to you so that you reduce the distance. Avoid staring at him for too long. You don’t want to look like the stern headmistress of a school, right? Instead concentrate on his body.

Encourage him to do the same. Taking charge in the bedroom with your woman on top act will go along way in keeping your relationship hot, and happy!

am I Ready?

2009-04-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

What if I decide I am definitely ready?

Be sure he wants to. He may not. Fair enough.

Make sure the condoms are packed. Better still, practice with a carrot before. Beats the first night nerves. We shouldn't rely on anyone to protect us. Our bodies are our responsibility. Buy a six pack.

If you have second thoughts at any point, stop. Just because you've had once doesn't mean you have to keep on having it. Many people realise it's really not all it's cracked up to be. And shelve it for a while.

What if I don't think I'm ready?

Then don't do it. You have the right to say no.

Many of us have because we think everyone else is. Or that we should do it, cos we've got a boyfriend - he'll expect it. Or that if we don't we're a prude. A prick tease. A baby.

So we do stuff we'd rather not.

Don't follow the herd. It's your body. Your decision. And how you feel about yourself after that counts.

If he breaks up with us because we won't have: that was all that mattered to him. So good riddance.

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Awful Retribution

2009-04-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

It's true: AIDS is nature's awful retribution for our tolerance of immoderate and socially irresponsible behavior. The epidemic is the price of our permissive attitudes toward monogamy, chastity, and other forms of conservatism.

You've read elsewhere about the sin of promiscuity. Let me tell you about the sin of self-restraint.

Suppose you walk into a bar and find four potential partners. Two are highly promiscuous; the others venture out only once a year. The promiscuous ones are, of course, more likely to be HIV-positive. That gives you a 50-50 chance of finding a relatively safe match.

But suppose all once-a-year revelers could be transformed into twice-a-year revelers. Then, on any given night, you'd run into twice as many of them. Those two promiscuous bar patrons would be outnumbered by four of their more cautious rivals. Your odds of a relatively safe match just went up from 50-50 to four out of six.

That's why increased activity by conservatives can slow down the rate of infection and reduce the prevalence of AIDS. In fact, according to Professor Michael Kremer of MIT's economics department, the spread of AIDS in England could plausibly be retarded if everyone with fewer than about 2.25 partners per year were to take additional partners more frequently. That covers three-quarters of British between the ages of 18 and 45. (Much of this column is inspired by Professor Kremer's research.)

If multiple partnerships save lives, then monogamy can be deadly. Imagine a country where almost all women are monogamous, while all men demand two female partners per year. Under those conditions, a few prostitutes end up servicing all the men. Before long, the prostitutes are infected; they pass the disease to the men; and the men bring it home to their monogamous wives. But if each of those monogamous wives was willing to take on one extramarital partner, the market for prostitution would die out, and the virus, unable to spread fast enough to maintain itself, might die out along with it.

Or consider Joan, who attended a party where she ought to have met the charming and healthy Martin. Unfortunately Fate, through its agents at the Centers for Disease Control, intervened. The morning of the party, Martin ran across one of those CDC-sponsored subway ads touting the virtues of abstinence. Chastened, he decided to stay home. In Martin's absence, Joan hooked up with the equally charming but considerably less prudent Maxwell--and Joan got AIDS. Abstinence can be even deadlier than monogamy.

5 Things he wants you to say in bed

2008-10-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Dirty talk

For a man, nothing is than a woman who is loud in bed and participates in a little dirty talk. Below are five things your man is dying to hear you mouth off about.

Him
Men want to know that you’re not visualizing someone else when you’re with them or just phoning it in, so although it may seem basic, saying (or screaming out) his name in bed is a good way to ease into dirty talk. Punctuate it with a few “ooohs” and moans and it will be more than enough to get him going.

The Action
If you’re being a tad quiet, many men will take the initiative and let you know what they’d like to hear by peppering you with questions, such as “What am I doing to you?” and “How does that feel?”In this case, simply describing the mise en scène and how you feel will suffice. However, don’t feel like obligated to use cuss words if it’s not your style. Instead, take a cue from romance novels and utilize under-used verbs like “pulse,” “swell,” and “throb.”

Your Fantasies
Nothing counts when it’s said in between the sheets, so if you’re feeling confident, why not seize the opportunity and tell him all of your craziest fantasies and dreams? If the thought leaves you tongue-tied, try practicing in front of a mirror – especially the particularly naught parts – until you are able to say them without feeling embarrassed or laughing.

Stock Dirty Phrases
Sometimes just having is intimate enough, and the idea of pouring out all of your deepest desires, especially in a new relationship, is too much. However, you don’t want to be mute. For those times, any of the following stock phrases will work:“Oh, yeah, right there!”“That feels amazing”“Don’t stop, harder”“I want you so bad”“Give it to me!”“You animal!”

Get Creative
Men can be just as insecure as women; so sometimes a little vocal encouragement is all that’s needed to let them know that you are enjoying what they’re doing. Sometimes a few soft purrs can be just as effective as a well-rehearsed speech, so don’t be afraid to get creative. Whatever you do to cheerlead them along will make your bedroom romp all the more exciting.

Penyakit Menular Seksual

2008-04-12T17:32:00.001-07:00

STIs, transmitted diseases, STDs.
What are they?

STIs are diseases passed on through bodily fluids, like saliva, blood and fluids (eg. sperm). We get an STI by having (including oral) with someone who's infected.

All are unpleasant. And can cause lasting damage. But most are treatable. And preventable.
How can I make sure I don't get an STI?

Use a condom every time you have. This is the best protection we have. Condoms are little latex life savers. Never underestimate the power of the Jonny.

Some couples go to the doctor or clinic for a check up. To make sure they are free from infection before having without condoms. But remember - this check up is useful, but not foolproof: The results are out of date as soon as we sleep with someone new.
How will I know if I've caught an STI?

Remember that STIs are often silent. This means that you or your partner may have one and know nothing about it.

This doesn't mean you can't pass it on. And it doesn't mean it's not doing you harm inside.

The only way to be sure, is to have a health screen. This means seeing your GP or local health clinic. And having tests done to rule out infections. Sometimes (but not always) this includes swabs being taken from our genitals, blood tests and/or urine tests.

Everyone who is having should have an STI screen from time to time. Do the decent thing. And look after yourself.

The symptoms of the most common STIs are:

* Chlamydia & gonorrhoea: Unusual discharge from the genitals, pain urinating (weeing), pain in the lower abdomen. However, about 80% of women who have Chlamydia get no symptoms at all.
* Genital warts: Flat or cauliflower-like bumps around the genitals.
* Genital herpes: Painful blisters or ulcers on the mouth or genitals. Flu-like symptoms like headache or swollen glands.
* Syphilis: Ulcers (which are often painless) on the genitals. Rashes, flu-like symptoms.
* Pubic lice: Itching around the genitals, black powder found in underwear, white specks in pubic hair.
* For info on HIV and Aids see the factfile.

What if I think I might have one?

See your doctor or health clinic. Most STIs can be cured with a simple course of antibiotic pills or cream. But if left untreated they can cause more serious health problems. Like not being able to have babies.

Remember, the professionals you meet spend all day every day screening people for STIs. People of all shapes, sizes and. No one will judge or lecture you. They'll just think you're great for taking care of yourself.

REMEMBER: under 16 is illegal

Tubuh yang Seksi

2008-04-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

But what of Classified?
It fuses the quartet's strings, backed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, with bombastic percussion and Europop dance beats. It has some Middle Eastern, Latin and gypsy flavours, as well as traditional classical moments, but these are diluted in the sugary mix of synths and pop.

The liner notes attribute the songs to the group, their producers and arrangers, but the press notes list many of the songs as being "based on" classical works, such as Pachelbel's Canon, Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers from Nutcracker, and Lunacy is said to be inspired by hardcore rapper 50 Cent's hit In da Club.

But the combination is a big hit, and there's no doubt they can play their instruments. The question is: how manufactured are they?

Are they four young, glamorous woman who just want to have fun, or a group built by music executives who are exploiting their?.

Their press release goes as far as defending accusations of ditziness with a line inspired by Czech novelist Milan Kundera: "The sense of lightness of being that surrounds Bond is the love of what they do and the freedom to do it," it says.

"No one is pushing them to wear outfits. That is who they are."

Davis says that Mel Bush helped the band get started but no longer manages them.

"We all knew each other from music college, and it started as a bit of a project on the side, because we didn't know how it was going to go," Davis says. "This manager (Bush) invested a lot of money in getting some demos together with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra backing us - that wasn't something we could do on our own."

Haylie Ecker, from Perth, who plays first violin for the quartet and continues her classical career apart from Bond, says she doesn't consider their music to be classical; they just take their inspiration from classical melodies.

But it seems the classical music industry is in desperate need of a dose of sassiness - in 2001 and 2003 Bond were invited to open the Classical Brit Award, and in 2001 they performed alongside tenor Luciano Pavarotti at his annual all-star charity concert. Other recent engagements include 2003's Miss World event at London's Millennium Dome.

Davis says they are making the violin cool for kids. "When we played a show last year, one of the guys from the English Chamber Orchestra, who is a teacher, said the number of kids taking up string instruments in schools over here (in Britain) has tripled since we came out," says Davis.

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Tubuh yang Seksi

2008-04-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

It's easy to see why Bond have been dubbed the Spice Girls of classical music. The British-Australian group are the highest selling string-quartet of all time, and as a foursome they look like fashion models, all skimpy skirts and stilettos, shiny hair and sparkly teeth.

Bond contain two Australians in Tania Davis and Haylie Ecker, and in the artwork with their new CD Classified, they are a tangled grid of long legs. Their violins, or at least the ultra-modern version of violins they use, are strategically placed between these legs like phallic objects.

One suggestive image - reminiscent of last year's Russian "lesbian" teenage pop sensations Tatu - has a Bond girl provocatively pressing her hand against another's shoulder. A further image flirts with S&M as a Bond girl playfully tries to strangle another with her own necklace.

At "Bondcam", on the band's website, similarly pictures are beamed to the viewer every six seconds.

One would be forgiven for thinking that all this was actually a catalogue for underwear or a feature on the women in James Bond films, such is the skimpiness of their outfits.

Subtle, Bond are not. But their bid to transcend classical music's conservative, image - a movement that started in the early 1990s with child prodigy violinist Vanessa-Mae - has been wildly successful and lucrative. It's not a coincidence that both Bond and Vanessa-Mae were concocted by the same svengali, British manager Mel Bush.

Clearly Bond is a brand; designer Issey Miyake has even made a clothing range "inspired" by the group. Exactly what that brand means and represents is causing some debate.

To the quartet themselves, they are four strong women in their late 20s, "seeking the challenge of the new and wanting to have fun"; to the classical music scene, it means style over substance; to classical music teachers, it means more students in classes; to their record label, Decca, it means 3 million album sales.

To corporate sponsors, they are a group with one foot in the teen pop market, the other in the older, wealthier classical music demographic. Luxury companies such as Jaguar, Martell cognac, Mittweida beer and Othello watches are involved in sponsorship deals with the group.

Member Tania Davis, from Sydney, who plays viola and has performed with the Australian Chamber Orchestra, the Sydney Symphony and London Symphony Orchestra, says questions about Bond up classical music would not be asked if they were a pop act.

"People have these expectations that because we come from a classical background, somehow we should be wearing long black dresses and looking serious on our album cover," she says. "Because our music has a pop influence, we're quite happy to wear glamorous designer clothes on our album. We chose to enjoy that whole thing that goes along with being four girls - we see it strong and empowering that we can look great on an album. It's a sign of the times - Kylie Minogue and Delta Goodrem, they've both got glamorous pictures of them on it. It's part of today's marketing."

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Pelecehan Seksual

2008-04-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

He was gone, he was really gone that means end of the physical pain. That made me somewhat relieved but I never got rid of the pain that deeply penetrated my heart and soul. I won’t say I grew up as a shy, introvert kid but yes something was missing. I think it was that carelessness, which most of the children of my age lived with. I was living with a burden, not even for a single second I was able to get those series of incidences out of my mind.

I just entered my teens when I came to know about 'Birds and Bees' and there I was, lost and numb again. I hated myself, the fact that it actually happened with me was very bitter to swallow. I wanted to tell my friends the real picture of 'Birds and Bees'. How dirty it is, how painful it is, I wanted to tell them everything but that promise that I will die with this truth to myself precluded me. Once again, I tried to be normal and I succeed.

Rest of my teens went really well. I was not very popular amongst opposite but I was not completely ignored either. I got a boyfriend when I was 17. That was the best part of my life. But it didn’t last; we broke off after seven months. I wont blame him, God has made males that way, he wanted to get physical and that was just next to impossible for me. No, I wasn’t afraid of the world, it was those memories. The very thought of going through all those pain again almost killed me. And he also used to get irritated with my facial expression and body language whenever he tried to get cozy with me. So, we decided to split. I didn’t want him to go; I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to ask him to be patient but then how can I expect him to understand and love me, when I hated myself so badly. He was gone, leaving behind the memories I still cherish.

I joined college to study mass communication; that course made me read many books and journals. I came to know about actual conditions of women, it was then that my perspective got changed. I was not the only one, there were many with the similar history.

Asked how she feels like today, Namisha says, “I am not six anymore, what happened to me then won't happen now. Yes, that’s something I will never forget but now I am okay.”

“I know, he took my childhood away but nobody can take my womanhood from me. May be my body was raped but my soul wasn’t. I am a true normal woman in every manner, who knows to stand for herself,” she concluded.

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Pelecehan Seksual

2008-04-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

TWENTY-ONE years old Namisha (name changed) is rather good looking, well read, intelligent and everything a girl can think of being. One thing that is striking about her is her extra vivacious nature; she is always smiling, always talking and not to forget - a die hard chocolate lover.

But those who closely know Namisha think there is an other side of story. Sometimes she gets extremely quite and lost, with her sad, puffy red eyes she makes people think, who is Namisha? That chirpy and talkative girl or this girl, who is gloomy and terrified.

She might sound normal to many of us and she is normal except she was raped, not once, not twice, not even thrice but Nth times. And that too when she didn’t even know what does rape mean.

“I was six when he first did it," said Namisha and then went on how it all happened. My younger sister had a very serious accident that required constant stay in hospital, my parents used to stay with my sister and leave me with my 18-year-old cousin. For first few days, he was being a very good care taker.

He used to cook me my favourite food, used to get me chocolates, help me with my homework and tell me bed time stories. It was a regular day, after school I went out to play and came back. I noticed that my cousin was not talking to me; I asked him why he is behaving like that. He yelled and asked me to leave him alone. After sometime he came to my room and started touching me with his dirty intentions, it was then he committed his animal act.

It was very painful, I was lost, just didn’t know what to say or do. I just knew whatever happened was too filthy to share with anyone. I decided to keep mum. I stopped talking to him, in fact to everyone. My parents were too busy to notice this change in me.

But this was not the end but just the beginning; he repeated his animal deeds whenever he found me alone. My sister needed frequent visit to hospital, so I used to be left alone with that cousin of mine. He continued molesting me till he left for US for his higher studies. He had gone but not my trauma and pain. I used to think day and night, “What if he comes back? What if he does that again to me? Would my parents scold me if they come to know about it?” Too much for eight years old mind to think about but I couldn’t help it; these thoughts continuously kept bothering me.

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